Question:Dear Cedric,
I can't make my girlfriend come. I am used to girls being sensitive to clitoral stimulation, but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. I have tried many different approaches (tongue, finger, thumb, hard, soft, teasing, straight down to business) but it only leads to a plateau for her. She seems more sensitive in the G-Spot, but that also doesn't take her over the edge. Longest time for attempt has been about 50 minutes so far. Tried a vibe, but that also didn't really do it for her. She is easy to turn on, but I really want to give her an orgasm. She says she has never had one, not even by her own efforts. I ask for helpful directions, but nothing so far. Any ideas?
/ Anonymous
Answer:These types of questions are always a little difficult to answer. Whenever you are dealing with a human being there are millions of combinations and permutations that can occur. What we know is your girlfriend has never had an orgasm, with you or by herself. And you have tried some ways to make her have one but it hasn’t happened.
I am not a doctor or psychologist, so if there is a medical or mental reason for her not going over the top then I don’t believe I can be of much help. I will pass on some advice from my experience which I hope can help you out.
Firstly, you know,
some women just can't orgasm, a small portion, a very small portion. This doesn’t stop them from having very fulfilling sex lives, but it can happen that they don’t reach that point.
Now, there are two types of orgasm, clitorial and vaginal. The vast majority of women can have clitoral orgasms and usually learn to have them regularly through touching themselves or with their partner. They are nice orgasms, flash jobs that give the women a good sense of wellbeing, heating them up on a cold day and keeping them from attacking the water deliver guy when things are slow.
Vaginal Orgasms are another world. If you have ever brought a woman to this point, you know what I mean. In my experience, about 15% of women can have these, and it usually is in a very loving, trusting, close relationship where the sex is very good. The women is gone when this happens…..mind blowing, body convulsions, not really screaming as much as strange freaky noises and gasps from her mouth and nose and a feeling afterward of something along the lines of Holy Fuck….what did you just do to me!!!! And DO IT AGAIN!!!
The fact that your girlfriend has never cum should let you know that it likely isn’t you that is the problem.
She is probably very happy that she has a boyfriend who is into her and dedicated like you are. You should ask her how she feels when she feels best during sex, or the closest to orgasming. Is she afraid, that she is losing control, does she feel like she is going to pee, is she anxious, does she feel ashamed about having sex outside of marriage and an orgasm might be hard for her to handle, or does she just never feel that she is close to hitting that point? The answer might lead you into the direction you need to go to get her to that point.
Normally I give
two types of advice for guys that are trying to make their girls orgasm. For you I will give a third because I think you are trying all the right things at this point you might just want to try another technique.
She needs to learn about her body, essentially learning how to make herself orgasm can be very helpful. Maybe spending some time touching herself, getting to know what feels great and heightens the feelings, and can bring her closer to the edge. She can do that with you or by herself, whatever she feels most comfortable with doing. Sometimes it can be something totally different, like the girl I dated who could only cum from dry humping and always needed to have at least her panties on and usually her pants as well.
Women all have a different combination key to unlocking that orgasm lock. Half the fun is trying right?
You need to feel close to each other, loving, comfortable, trusting. I am not saying you need to be soul mates, but there should be a good level of trust in some sort of fashion…..which from what you have said you two are there.
You might want to try this technique that worked very well with an ex lover of mine. It involves penetrating into her, but not thrusting. You simply stay inside while she stimulates herself on the clit. Your position should be semi-seated while she is on her back. You can then use your hands to massage her breast and stimulate her nipples. You can try some slight movement in and out....very slowly or listening to her directing you on the speed of movement she likes at that moment. If she likes sexual talk tell her nice things or fantasies to
stimulate her mind and her body.
Hopefully this advice has helped you out, if not I hope you at least enjoy trying.
Cedric Iglesias
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